I’m drowning in financial stress, and it’s getting harder to see a way out. My partner was over half a million dollars in debt when we met. Now we’re paying $2K a month toward his bankruptcy and another $2K for the mortgage on a house that’s only in his name. After he lost his pharmacist job, he couldn’t find work in the same field and had to take a big pay cut. I also had to accept a lower-paying job after being fired during my pregnancy, so we’re both earning way less than before, but the bills haven’t changed.
I keep asking myself if this is sustainable. I’m contributing to a mortgage and debt that aren’t in my name, and I’m scared that if he loses the house, the boys and I will have nothing. Lately, I’ve been daydreaming about taking my paycheck, renting a small place for me and the kids, and working hard to save for a house that’s truly mine.
I don’t want to leave someone I love over money, but I’m losing trust in him, especially with finances. It feels like I’m always cleaning up his mess while my own future is put on hold. I care about him, but how long can this go on?
I’ve been through chapter 13 bankruptcy, and you should reach out to your attorney ASAP. If your income has dropped significantly, they can help you file paperwork to adjust your payments. Courts are more flexible than you’d think—they want to get paid but not leave you without a roof. We were allowed a few months of hardship deferrals and even got our payments lowered when we needed a new car. Talk to your attorney. They’re there to help.
Money issues come and go, but lying about debt or anything important is always a problem. Only you can decide if this is something you can forgive and move past. Don’t let random internet opinions push you into a decision you might regret later.
So many people are telling me to leave, and I get it—money problems are a huge strain on relationships. But am I being naive for wanting to stay and work through it? Is there a chance this could get better, or will I just end up regretting staying?
@Uma
Try looking at this as if it were happening to a friend. What advice would you give them? If you keep paying off his debts, will things get better or worse? It’s okay to put yourself and your kids first. You’re not responsible for fixing his mess.
@Uma
You got married to be a team, right? This might be one of those low points where you both need to work together. Maybe sit down and have an honest talk about finances and set some goals. Communication could really help here.
Why is the bankruptcy costing $2K every month? You might want to check if there are options to keep the house protected, like transferring it to a trust. Definitely something to ask a lawyer.
Keller said:
Is he a good partner in other ways? If not, it might be time to leave. By the way, what exactly is stopping him from working as a pharmacist again?
Check the comments above—there’s more info about his license.