Content warning: This post talks about being in an abusive home, mental illness, and suicidal thoughts. The tone is casual and might feel detached or comical to some.
(TL;DR: I messed up financially and now have 204k in debt. I’m jobless but covered until June and searching for a better-paying job.)
In 2020, the pandemic was in full swing, and I was stuck in an abusive home, earning 20k as a cold-calling recruiter. I was also suicidal and somehow became my family’s breadwinner.
Then I lost my job—literally a day before I was supposed to get regularized. With no other choice, I got a loan from CIMB. It was supposed to help me escape, but my mom claimed it as her “daughter fee.”
Thank goodness for free mental health consultations. If not for my therapist, I don’t know if I’d still be here.
In 2021, after months of unemployment, I got a job at a company in Ortigas. It paid better, and I had hopes of moving out. And I did.
January 2022 was amazing. I finally escaped the chaos of my family and started fresh, although I was left with scars, a personality disorder diagnosis, and debt. I decided to enroll in college but quickly realized my 22k salary wasn’t enough. I pawned a family heirloom and kept paying off the CIMB loan while searching for a higher-paying job.
Later, I found a company offering a 30% raise and even tuition support. Life seemed good—I was thriving at work, doing well in school, and even starting to enjoy a social life.
But then came the crash. I got reckless with money—using GCredit, GGives, GLoan, BillEase, SPayLater—you name it. Before I knew it, my debt hit 180k. Panic set in.
Desperate, I applied for my company’s salary loan program to consolidate my debts. It seemed like a smart move. By January 2023, I paid off most of my loans using the salary loan, leaving only one big repayment.
Life was quiet again until three weeks ago when I got laid off in a mass termination. My severance pay was split between living expenses and a cushion for the coming months.
Now, with interest, my debt is at 204k, and I have six months to pay it off. I’ve made a budget that gets me through the year, and I’m determined to make this work. This is just another hurdle, and I owe it to myself to get through it.
Author’s note: Sorry if this feels all over the place. It’s a stream of consciousness. Feel free to ask for clarifications in the comments.